Sunday, September 11, 2011

A dream machine?

I sometimes think that a machine that captures our dreams would be useful. A number of times, I believe I have had some inspiration in a dream only to wake up and forget all about it. Possibly what I thought was something creative was actually a load of old rubbish.
However this morning I remembered a small part of a dream.
In the dream, I shared an office with a solicitor who was talking to a lady client seeking a divorce.
The solicitor said to her:
       "we can sue your ex-husband-to-be for discrimination because he has said that you can have the silverware. In other words, he is still expecting you to clean them!"

I thought it funny but then I am not the most politically correct man in the world!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Some un-pc phrases

I found these phrases whilst surfing the Internet. They are not exactly politically correct, but I found them funny!

  • A bird in hand makes it hard to blow nose.
  • Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
  • Elevator smell different to midget.
  • Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
  • He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
  • He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing
  • It takes many nails to build a crib but one screw to fill it.
  • Man standing on toilet is high on pot.
  • Man who behaves like an ass will be the butt of those who crack jokes.
  • Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
  • Man who farts in church sits in his own pew!
  • Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
  • Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
  • Man who lives in glass house should masturbate in basement.
  • Man who put head on railway track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
  • Man who stick foot in mouth get athlete's tongue!
  • Man who tells one too many light bulb jokes will soon burn out!
  • Man with one chopstick go hungry.
  • Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.
  • Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
  • Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk
  • Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
  • Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
  • War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
  • When called an idiot, it is sometimes better to be quiet, than open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.
  • Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
  • Confucius say too damn much.
other blogs by Robert Bovington: 
"Photographs of Spain"
"Spanish Impressions"
"postcards from Spain"
"you couldn't make it up!"
"a grumpy old man in Spain"
"Spanish Expressions"
"Spanish Art"
"Books About Spain"

Friday, September 2, 2011

Brighton complete signing of ex-Valencia winger Vicente

Brighton & Hove Albion have signed former Spain and Valencia winger Vicente Rodriguez on a one-year deal.


The 30-year-old, who has won 38 caps, was a free agent after being released by his hometown club this summer.

Albion boss Gus Poyet told the club website: "Vicente is the special player we wanted. He has great qualities and can play in a range of positions.

"He has always attracted great interest from top clubs across Europe so this is a major coup to bring him to the Amex."

The Uruguayan added: "He also brings great experience, having played at the top level for the last 10 years with Valencia, including the Champions League, Uefa Cup and international football with Spain.

"I am sure the supporters will have seen him in action and will be very excited by the prospect of seeing him in a Brighton shirt."

Vicente began his career at Levante in 1997 before joining Valencia in 2000, making over 300 appearances during his 11-year spell with Los Che.